If there’s something weighing on your mind or you are just struggling to solve a problem, let the Grouvee community help you!
Note: Obviously, be respectful.
3 Likes
I’ve been um-ing and ah-ing for a while about posting this, but it’s been weighing on my mind for a while so I figured I’d give it a shot.
I really need some advice on dealing with the 9-to-5. Some context will probably help;
Since leaving teaching in 2019 (if I didn’t I think I’d have topped myself) I’ve had on-and-off work. Most of the time temporarily positions, with the longest being a year to 18 months. There were a few periods of months of unemployment. I worked menial jobs to high-level admin. The job I enjoyed the most, which was at the local uni, I applied for a full time position in on several occasions and never got it. Only good enough to be a temporary pleb, I guess.
Cut to now and I’ve a full time, permanent role. It’s a very short commute, about 7 min drive, and is a small business so there’s none of the corporate bullshit. There are only two other people, both of who are quite nice. On paper it sounds perfect.
However, it’s at a mortgage brokers. I’m just doing the admin side, but I still have to deal with clients, which admittedly I don’t love. Some are lovely, a few are dicks and the rest are just…there. I have to be on the phone a lot, something I’ve never been comfortable with. It’s been a HUGE learning curve and I still feel I’m struggling. The boss can sometimes be…less than tactful if you get something wrong.
Most of all though… I just don’t care. I know it’s important to the people buying the house but I find it all tedious and rather boring. I can’t get “excited” about mortgages. Even my own I don’t particularly care about, as long as I can pay it each month.
I try to find the interesting aspects of each job. When I was at the uni I was working with contracts between my uni and others around the world who were doing research and other projects together. While contracts are pretty dull, it was interesting to see what goes on behind the scenes with all that.
Mortgages though? Ugh, it’s just banks trying to get every dime out of people and then constantly chasing clients and solicitors. And filling in tedious paperwork. There’s just nothing interesting to it.
Lately I’ve been feeling I just don’t want to go each morning. When I am there I think of all the stuff I’d rather be doing. The manuscript for the SEGA book is due at the end of the month and I’m worried I’m not going to get it done on time because I’m at work and can’t work on it (also, I underestimated how long stuff like writing up the bibliography would take).
The thing is I also feel quite bad for feeling this way as the boss took a chance on highering me because I had no experience in the industry. It’s the first permanent role I’ve had since moving to the UK. It’s taken a heap of weight off my wife because previously she’d always be conscious that whatever work I had could end any moment and our financials would all rest on her. I feel I should just get over myself and be grateful I have a job at all, as there are many people who don’t.
Yet even knowing this, I can’t shake the feeling I just don’t want to be there. I don’t really know how to shift my mindset on this, or what I should do.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
1 Like
Hey man, I don’t have any advice but if you need help, I’d be more than willing to help write up the Bibliography to help ease the load! You just need to give me a rundown of what needs to be included, sources, etc.
2 Likes
Thanks so much, but it’s almost done. I found a website that automates the process somewhat. I really appreciate the offer though. I’ll hit you up for the next one. 
1 Like
I don’t have any really good advice. I worked a rotating bunch of shit, dead-end jobs for about a decade until I went back to school, got a degree as a librarian and got a job that doesn’t pay that great but I really enjoy.
I know in my case, the prospect of staring down a lifetime of barely making ends meet and working with incredibly toxic people motivated me to go down a different path. Admittedly, I lucked out in the job I found.
So the only advice I can give is, if you’re young enough and feel like you can suffer the sacrifice of switching directions at this point in life, it worked for me.
3 Likes
I’ve already changed direction once, and I’m 40 next year, so probably out of the question to do so again.
2 Likes
The only thing that’s helped me when in a similar position before is throwing out my application to other jobs I think would suit me better. No matter how much I tried to change my POV, if I didn’t like my job, or it caused me great strain and anxiety, nothing could change that except getting out. It’s like a toxic relationship. You can try to gaslight yourself but it’s toxic positivity in the end, not actual joy or pride in your work.
2 Likes
Hey, remember that a 90-year-old earned a master’s degree! If you really want to change direction, don’t let being 40 stop you. You have a lot of life ahead and that is a lot of time to spend being unhappy.
That said–the boss took a chance on you? That was kind of them. Have you done your job to the best of your ability, been a reasonably pleasant co-worker, and generally worked hard? Then you’ve repaid that kindness. That’s a small piece of it, but maybe changing that sense of debt will help with that mindset you’re looking for. It can be even harder to be somewhere you’re unfulfilled when you also feel that you have to be there because you owe it to someone.
Do you feel that you can talk to your wife about all of this, and see if she has any perspective or suggestions?
5 Likes
Yeah, I’ve spoken to my wife about it a fair bit
She thinks it might just be a rough patch, which it could be as it has been a bit stressful of late. If she thought it were a big problem she’d say, she totally backed me with the career change I mentioned before even though she knew financially it’d be hard.
I think I’ll try and stick it out a while longer and re-evaluate on a month or so.
Thanks everyone.
5 Likes
Slight update. I basically got bullied by my boss today. Yay. Guess I’ll be looking for something else, but I might be a bit picky about it, at least until I’m fired or I quit.
1 Like
I am sorry to hear that happening to you, I had my share of abusive workplaces and I know how it scars you. I hope this being a full time job will help you to find another full time job and at least will be a stepping stone in that regard. All I hear about the job market in the UK is terrible, so I know finding something new will not be easy. Sending you my best wishes and all the strength I can! I also hope your boss will get their sleeves wet whenever they wash their hands!
3 Likes
Oh that’s evil lmao.
2 Likes
May their tables always have one slightly shorter leg.
Good luck in the job search
3 Likes
for bibliographies, do you use references managers? For my thesis (300-350 unique references all across the text), after adding them to the software, the bibliography section writes itself. Not sure if it’s too late, but I use them for all of the projects I write where references are required.
1 Like
Kind of. I found a site that organised it all in the correct manner, but you have to enter them one by one. I’m done now though, so hopefully it’ll all ok. 
1 Like
If you’re planning to write another one, it could be worth investing some time in learning to use a stand alone reference manager and start introducing some references. After that, you can basically copy-paste them and the whole table gets made with a single click in any format you/your publisher wants.
2 Likes
How do you navigate working closely with someone who you try to avoid?
2 Likes
My suggestion would just to keep everything 100% business and if they do anything dodgy make a note of it. Included the date and time. Then, if you need to, you can bring it to the higher ups
3 Likes
Depends on why you avoid them i suppose. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable id say take it to someone higher up, make them aware of the situation so that steps can be taken to help with it.
If you just dont see eye to eye with them, dont worry about them. Do your duties in your role, have the minimum (but respectful) interactions you are required to complete the job. Youre not there to be a friend or punching bag etc. While it sounds kinda dry, we are at work to complete a task and thats the end of it.
Ive had to work with plenty of people i didnt get along with in my career, and while im a fairly easy going person most of the time, some people just rub me wrong. I dont tolerate stupid very well, and if someone doesnt put in any real effort, or willingness to learn, im not usually willing to put much time into working with them. But im more than willing to set aside differences to help move the actual work along.
If they are disrespectful or i feel unsafe around them, and i cant solve the issue directly, i go to a supervisor and explain the situation. Sometimes that works, depending on your higher ups i suppose. Ive had a couple who went to the “suck it up buttercup” school of thought.
3 Likes
I had a coworker some time back that I never wanted to be alone with. Despite having to work closely with them, I made sure that every interaction we had was always in an open space with other staff around. It definitely made for an awkward work environment sometimes but they gave me a vibe that I did not like and I preferred to be safe. At a minimum, keeping the relationship completely professional and not giving them a chance to do anything but their job makes it a bit easier.
4 Likes